Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Recipe Hall of Shame!

The other day my dog had a hideous bout of diarrhea (probably not a word you want to see on a food blog), and I had to buy him some white rice and baby food to help soothe his poor tum. Time was of the essence, so I got him Minute Rice white rice. Of course I had to taste it. The flavor - or lack thereof - is truly shocking. Do people like this? Are grains of styrofoam a good thing? I don't understand. Oh well, at least it's "enriched!"

The most offensive aspect of this vile starch product isn't even its sacrifice of taste for convenience, though that's plenty bad. The worst thing about it are the recipes on the back of the box.  Perhaps the most egregious example of fake ethnic food I have ever seen  is the recipe for the Mexican Chicken & Rice Dinner. This mess was undoubtedly dreamed up by white people for whom the heady flavor of a single clove of garlic may cause convulsions, even death.  It makes Taco Bell look authentic. 
This is the complete list of ingredients, but be warned that what you are about to read may shock you: oil, chicken breasts, red and green chopped bell pepper, water, chunky salsa, Minute rice, frozen corn, and reduced fat shredded cheddar cheese.

And that's it ... no onions, no garlic, not even any even salt and pepper. There will be no! flavor! in this dish.  You just throw all of it together until it forms a slop, slap the chicken and cheese on top, and then you get something that looks like what I gave my dog to try and cure his unfortunate intestinal condition. 

Look at this mess! It's so sad to think of some family eating this for dinner, rolling their eyes and rubbing their tummies. 
-"Oh, this Mexican food is so delicious!" 
-"What a spicy dish you made, mother!" 
-"Tomorrow night let's have Chinese! I think there's a recipe on the back of the LaChoy chow mein noodles package!"

At least if Sandra Lee had come up with this dreck she'd have found a way to incorporate copious amounts of booze.


  1. cheeky & well written - i see a book in your future

  2. Thanks darling! If you've got the advance, I've got the book. ; )

  3. LOLOLOL! You're a scream, girl! Hope the poor dog's better now.

  4. LMAO! I love how the labels for this post are 'BLAND', 'DISGUSTING' and 'SHAMEFUL'. Too funny!